Feeling Like a Stranger: Future Me and Present Me

You stand at the precipice of a peculiar internal dichotomy, a temporal gulf separating your current self from a yet-to-be-realized iteration. This phenomenon, often dubbed the “present you” versus “future you” dynamic, is less a philosophical abstraction and more a tangible psychological construct, woven into the fabric of your decision-making and perception. You are, in essence, a dual entity, an explorer charting new territories while simultaneously mapping the familiar.

Your “future self” is not a static destination but a continually shifting horizon, a composite of your aspirations, fears, and the cumulative impact of your present choices. This future individual often feels like a stranger, an acquaintance you’ve heard about but haven’t truly met. You may even project onto them qualities you lack, or burdens you wish to shed.

The Problem of Temporal Discounting

One of the most significant psychological mechanisms contributing to the feeling of Future You as a stranger is temporal discounting. This cognitive bias leads you to value immediate rewards more heavily than future rewards, even if the future rewards are objectively larger.

• Immediate Gratification vs. Delayed Benefit: You might choose to binge-watch a series tonight rather than study for an exam next week, despite knowing that better exam results will benefit your future career. The immediate pleasure of entertainment outweighs the distant satisfaction of academic achievement.
• The “Tomorrow Me” Fallacy: You often defer unpleasant tasks, such as exercising or tackling a difficult report, to a future version of yourself. This “tomorrow me” is frequently envisioned as having more energy, more time, or more willpower – a phantom persona capable of handling the burden you’re currently shirking.
• Impact on Financial Decisions: This bias is evident in financial planning. Saving for retirement, a future benefit, often takes a backseat to immediate purchases, such as a new gadget or an impulsive vacation. The distant comfort of retirement feels less pressing than the present desire for consumption.

Empathy Deficit Towards Future Self

Research indicates that you often exhibit a surprising lack of empathy for your future self. Neuroimaging studies have shown that when you think about your future self, the brain regions associated with self-referential thought are less active than when you think about your current self. Instead, areas associated with thinking about other people become more active.

• The “Other Person” Phenomenon: This neurological finding suggests that you perceive your future self less as an extension of your current identity and more as a distinct, separate individual. This cognitive distance can make it harder to make choices that benefit your long-term well-being.
• Consequences for Health Behavior: Consider unhealthy habits like smoking or overeating. You might understand the long-term health risks, but because the future self who will suffer the consequences feels distant and “other,” it’s easier to rationalize the immediate indulgence.
• Difficulty in Planning for Retirement: Similarly, the abstract concept of a future retired self struggling financially feels less impactful than the immediate desire for a new car or a lavish meal.

In reflecting on the complexities of personal growth and change, future me often feels like a total stranger, a sentiment echoed in the insightful article found at Productive Patty. This piece delves into the transformative nature of our experiences and how they shape our identities over time, making it easy to feel disconnected from our past selves. As we navigate through various life stages, the evolution of our thoughts, beliefs, and priorities can create a sense of unfamiliarity, prompting us to question who we have become and how we relate to our former selves.

The Anchors of Present You

Your “present self” is undeniably real, rooted in your current circumstances, immediate desires, and established routines. This is the you who reads these words, the one experiencing the sensations of the moment, grappling with present challenges and joys.

The Power of Habit

Habits, both constructive and destructive, form the bedrock of your present self. They are the grooves carved into your neural pathways, making certain behaviors automatic and often unconscious.

• Automaticity of Behavior: Many of your daily actions, from brushing your teeth to checking your phone, are executed without conscious deliberation. These habits provide structure and efficiency but can also be incredibly resistant to change.
• Habit Loops (Cue, Routine, Reward): Charles Duhigg’s framework of habit loops illustrates how cues trigger routines, which are then reinforced by rewards. Understanding these loops can help you identify and modify unhealthy habits. For example, the cue of stress might lead to the routine of unhealthy eating, which provides the temporary reward of comfort.
• Impact on Future Me: The habits you cultivate today – whether they are regular exercise, consistent learning, or thoughtful financial planning – directly shape the experiences and capabilities of your future self. Present you is, in essence, building the scaffolding for future you.

Cognitive Biases of the Present

Beyond temporal discounting, several other cognitive biases heavily influence present you, often at the expense of future you.

• Status Quo Bias: You tend to prefer things to remain the same. Change, even positive change, often requires effort and confronts the comfortable familiarity of your current state. This bias can prevent you from pursuing opportunities that would greatly benefit your future.
• Loss Aversion: You feel the pain of a loss more acutely than the pleasure of an equivalent gain. This can make you hesitant to take risks, even if those risks have high potential for future reward. For example, you might cling to a mediocre job to avoid the perceived loss of security, even if a new venture offers greater long-term growth.
• Confirmation Bias: You tend to seek out, interpret, and remember information that confirms your existing beliefs, often ignoring contradictory evidence. This can reinforce established habits and perspectives, making it harder to envision and adapt to a different future. If you believe you are “bad at saving,” you might selectively notice evidence that supports this belief and disregard opportunities to save.

Bridging the Temporal Chasm

Recognizing the distinct identities of present you and future you is the first step toward fostering a more collaborative relationship between them. This is not about eliminating the distinctions but about creating a dialogue and a shared purpose.

As I reflect on my life, I often feel like a total stranger to my future self, a sentiment echoed in a thought-provoking article I recently came across. The piece explores the concept of identity and how our experiences shape who we become over time. It delves into the idea that the person we envision in the future may not align with our current self, leading to feelings of disconnection and unfamiliarity. If you’re curious about this intriguing topic, you can read more in the article found here.

Cultivating Empathy for Future You

Just as you might empathize with a friend facing a challenge, you can consciously cultivate empathy for your future self. This involves actively imagining and connecting with that person.

• Future Self-Journaling: Write letters to your future self, detailing your current hopes, fears, and advice. This act of communication can make the future self feel more real and salient.
• Visualization Exercises: Regularly visualize your future self thriving, achieving goals, and experiencing positive outcomes due to choices you make today. Engage multiple senses in this visualization to make it more vivid.
• “Meet” Your Future Self: Engage in mental exercises where you imagine meeting your future self. What would they look like? What would they say? What advice would they give your present self?

Making Future Self a Present Ally

Instead of viewing future you as a stranger or a burden, you can reframed them as an ally, a partner in your journey.

• Pre-commitment Strategies: These are actions you take in the present to constrain your future choices, making it easier for future you to act in your best interest. Examples include automatic savings deductions, meal prepping to avoid unhealthy fast food, or setting up website blockers during study times.
• Temptation Bundling: Pair an activity you find unpleasant (but beneficial for future you) with an activity you enjoy. For example, only allowing yourself to watch your favorite show while exercising. This gives present you an immediate reward while still serving future you’s goals.
• Framing Choices for Future Benefit: Instead of thinking “I have to save for retirement,” reframe it as “I get to secure a comfortable future for myself.” This subtle shift in language can make the future benefit feel more appealing.

The Architecture of Self: A Blueprint for Growth

Consider your life as a grand architectural project. Present you is the architect, laying the foundation, drawing the blueprints, and making daily revisions. Future you is the resident, who will ultimately live within the structure you create.

The Role of Deliberate Practice

Just as an architect refines their skills through practice, you can intentionally develop behaviors and mindsets that benefit your future self.

• Skill Acquisition: Learning a new language, mastering a musical instrument, or developing a complex professional skill today lays the groundwork for a more capable and fulfilled future self. These are long-term investments in your human capital.
• Mindfulness and Self-Reflection: Regularly reflecting on your decisions, their motivations, and their potential long-term consequences helps you become more aware of the interplay between present and future. It’s like reviewing the architectural plans for flaws before construction.
• Building Resilience: Confronting challenges and developing coping mechanisms in the present strengthens your psychological resilience, an invaluable asset for your future self who will undoubtedly face new obstacles.

Iterative Self-Improvement

Your relationship with yourself is not a single, linear progression but an ongoing, iterative process. Each decision you make, each habit you form, modifies the blueprint for the future.

• Feedback Loops: Pay attention to the feedback from your present choices. Did skipping that workout leave you feeling sluggish? Did that impulsive purchase bring lasting satisfaction? These insights inform your future decisions.
• Adaptation and Flexibility: While having a vision for future you is important, remain flexible. Life is dynamic, and your ideal future self may evolve. Be prepared to adapt your blueprint as new information becomes available or as your values shift.
• Small, Consistent Actions: Grand transformations rarely happen overnight. It’s the accumulation of small, consistent actions taken by your present self that ultimately builds the impressive edifice that is your future self. Each brick laid, each small adjustment to the plan, contributes to the overall structure.

Ultimately, the feeling of your future self being a stranger is a natural psychological phenomenon. However, by understanding the underlying cognitive biases and by consciously employing strategies to foster a stronger connection and collaboration between your present and future selves, you can become a more intentional architect of your own destiny. You possess the agency to sculpt the stranger into a familiar, valued ally, ready to inhabit the life you are actively constructing today.

FAQs

1. Why might future versions of ourselves feel like strangers?

As we grow and change over time, our values, beliefs, and experiences evolve. This natural progression can make our future selves seem unfamiliar or different from who we are today, leading to a feeling that future you is a “total stranger.”

2. How does psychological time affect our perception of our future self?

Psychological time refers to how we mentally project ourselves into the future. Because we have limited information about our future experiences and emotions, it can be difficult to fully relate to or empathize with our future self, making that version feel distant or disconnected.

3. Can feeling disconnected from our future self impact decision-making?

Yes, when people perceive their future self as a stranger, they may prioritize immediate rewards over long-term benefits. This can lead to choices that favor short-term gratification rather than actions that support future well-being.

4. What role does memory play in the relationship with our future self?

Memory helps create a continuous sense of identity by linking past experiences to the present. However, since future experiences are unknown, the lack of memory about them can contribute to the feeling that our future self is unfamiliar or separate from who we are now.

5. Are there strategies to feel more connected to our future self?

Yes, techniques such as visualization, writing letters to your future self, or imagining future scenarios in detail can help bridge the gap. These practices increase empathy and understanding toward the future self, promoting better long-term planning and decision-making.